(Burbank, CA) A black-haired, Norwich Terrier mix breed defecated on a chair in a Burbank marijuana dispensary a mere five minutes after the establishment opened, eyewitnesses reported.
The dog’s owner was holding the animal while ordering cannabis from the budtender at the shop counter. When the dog squirmed and disrupted the transaction, the owner placed the dog on a nearby chair and attempted to complete his cannabis flower purchase. Unfortunately, the dog was on the chair for all of 30 seconds when he discharged five square chunks of rich-smelling dog feces.
Shop customer M.J. Hounseman, standing next in line for his own cannabis purchase, reported the fecal chunks were square-shaped “like horseshit” but were “about 1/3 the size of a piece of horseshit”.
In a shocking twist, the Dispensary Poop Bandit’s owner, perhaps in a state of fecal-induced panic, grabbed the dog and immediately fled – leaving the quintet of fecal chunks behind on the chair for others to remove and destroy.
“Jaw was on the floor, obviously,” stated Mr. Hounseman. “Ballsy move to roar out of there. But the budtender, though clearly perturbed, took my order right away. I was able to get the hell out of there with my 5 grams of King Cobra OG before the poop stank really took hold.”
Witnesses reported a dispensary employee was sent out for 409, rags, lysol, incense, a can of Pledge and a garden hose to get the establishment up to fecal code.
If you have any information about the identity or whereabouts of the Dispensary Poop Bandit, contact your local authorities.
This is a breaking story and will be updated.