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White House rolls out new Goya themed ads for 2020

what kids in cages prefer

July 2020, Washington DC.  The President and his favorite daughter are launching some new campaign ads that attempt to target Latino and Hispanic voters.  DG has been given a preview of the ads for our honest feedback and consideration.  While we promised not to share any of these with our audience we could not resist sharing a few.  They are just too good not to share.   Here are the top two that will be rolled out next week:

 

trump goya
Trump reaches out to Hispanic voters

 

what kids in cages prefer
kids in cages

 

And here is one ad the White House plans to release for their new ‘Its not our fault’ COVID19 campaign.

trump goya covid
trump goya covid

 

Here are some other runner up ads, that for obvious reasons, will not be released to the public.  DG does not condone the content of these ads.

Ivanka trump sells beans
my gardener’s housekeeper’s favorite brand

 

 

beaners for trump
The president knows

 

 

invanka beans
what am I holding?

 

All images are copyright of the Pence-Trump 2020 presidential campaign.  Any sharing or unauthorized use of these photos will be punished with the likes of something no one has ever seen before.

 

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Presidential Stroll Preceded by Tear Gas and ‘Hippie’ Bashing

raise the bible

June 1st 2020; The plaza between St. John’s Church and Lafayette Park was full of people (mostly American citizens) nonviolently protesting police brutality late Monday afternoon when U.S. Park Police and National Guard Troops fired rubber bullets and tear gas into the crowd.  This was followed by a charge of the troops and a violent clearing of the area.  A holy congregation from the White House marched through the cleared area and carefully positioned themselves in front of St. John’s Church for a photo op with a bible.  When asked why the peaceful crowd was dispersed the White House responded, ‘we cleared the area of rioters, Antifa and dirty hippies so that the President could make a statement.’  Although no statement was made, the White House reiterated that the bible was ‘real’.

Unfortunately, some of the caustic tear gas entered the National Archives and damaged some of the older parchment-based documents.  The US Constitution was one of the documents in the process of being moved and could have sustained serious damage from the caustic gas.  When asked about the status of the US Constitution the White House said they were ‘unaware’.

Later in the week the President finally referred directly to the unfortunate black man who was executed by police on the streets of Minneapolis, George Floyd. “Hopefully George is looking down and saying this is a great thing that’s happening for our country. (It’s) a great day for him. It’s a great day for everybody,” The President said during a White House Rose Garden event before signing legislation devoted to corporate loans.   When asked later why it was a great day for Mr. Floyd, The President responded, ‘In black heaven, there is no racism.’  The White House refused to elaborate on his answer.

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Florida Man insists on injecting disinfectants to combat Coronavirus

Palm Beach Florida.  A deranged Florida Man was subdued while shouting at passers-by in his Palm Beach neighborhood.  Almost completely naked and confused the man was shouting, “I see the disinfectant that knocks it out in a minute, one minute. And is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside or almost a cleaning? As you see, it gets in the lungs, it does a tremendous number on the lungs!”   Police had to intervene before the man could finish chugging a bottle of Windex.   The crazed Florida Man then grabbed one of the officer’s flashlights and jammed it up his ass while screaming, “Bring the light inside the body, which you can do either through the skin or in some other way, very powerful light!”  No arrests were made but one officer and the individual had to go to the hospital.  Officer Scott Higgins of the PBPD commented afterward.  “Sometimes you kinda hope they are on drugs, it can explain a lot of their unholy actions.  Its when they do this kind of stuff and are THEY are not on drugs you start to wonder what is wrong with them.” When asked about his injuries Officer Higgins explained that he was uninjured.  “I just wanted my flashlight back“.    B. Sexpin, Channel 4 News

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Coronavirus Recovery: US Government Fast Tracks Cannabis Legalization in Every U.S. State

(Washington DC) As city, state and federal agencies are drained of funds in the wake of the devastating economic effects of the coronavirus, the federal government is looking seriously at fast-tracking cannabis legalization in every state in the country as a way to mitigate the financial havoc the virus has brought on the nation.

“We are facing a crisis of unimaginable magnitude – not just a health crisis, but a financial crisis as well,” said Thurgood Jenkins, a prominent cannabis lobbyist that works with several states on the eastern seaboard. “As we struggle to find ways to mend the nation and get people back to work, the immediate expansion of the cannabis industry nationwide, is an obvious way to create tens of thousands of new jobs while boosting state tax revenues across the board.”

Jenkins has been working with multiple government agencies to explore the timing and roll out of legalization in states that had not previously been interested in supporting cannabis initiatives.

Jenkins says the attitudes of some state agencies have changed dramatically. “Just months ago, I couldn’t get a call back from some states no matter what messages I left. Now, I’m getting called from them daily – the governmental interest in legal cannabis has never been higher than right now, in my estimation. There is general wariness about the economy everywhere of course, but folks are looking to the cannabis industry to be a potential financial savior to help us through these incredibly hard times,” said Jenkins.

As the coronavirus crisis grinds on, it’s starting to look like a “green wave” of legal cannabis initiatives will find their way onto ballots this November. With economic uncertainty still likely to be with us for some time, these legalization efforts will go a long way towards helping the U.S. get back on track, by allowing new states to enjoy the benefits of legalized cannabis.

“People are going to need jobs – not the same old service jobs they had, but new, better jobs,” said Jenkins. “In every state with legal cannabis, there are thousands and thousands of jobs that simply do not exist in states without legal cannabis. As the Federal Government turns from healing the sick to getting the economy back on track, legal cannabis will increasingly be looked at as a way to boost economic activity while simultaneously generating vital tax revenue for every state.”